So you and/or the people you work with already have an established cycle tracking practice, and you have become blissfully aware that you have different needs and gifts at different phases of your cycle.
One of the greatest blessings of a cycle awareness includes acceptance and validation that we are not supposed to be the same all the time, and that its natural and actually helpful to experience these changing states throughout the menstrual month.
Perhaps becoming more aware of “the body in therapy” is an idea you have heard lots about in recent years and with which you agree in principle? However, as a potential therapy client or even an interested professional, you still don’t necessarily feel you have a complete hold on – why and how does the body actually matter in therapy?
Most of us ask and answer the question “how are you?” several times each day, but how often do you really give yourself the space to find the deeper answer?
A core message I wish to share via my work as a body focussed psychologist is that there are many ways in which we can benefit our wellbeing and accelerate healing via connecting and listening to the innate wisdom of our bodies.
Most of us are aware that non-verbal behaviour like posture, eye contact and movement greatly influence how others perceive us.
Orienting is a skill you already have (because it’s hard-wired into your nervous system). But you can learn to strengthen or recover it during stressful times to help to communicate to your brain and body that you are safe during times when stress and overwhelm take you back to traumatic memory or forward in anticipation of something difficult.
Orienting helps you to focus on your external environment and lean into cues around that tell you where you are now, is safe.
The popular grounding technique of tuning into the five senses uses orienting to bring you into the moment:
Name
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can feel
2 smells and
1 taste
You could also try:
👀 Look around you and name one item to the front, one behind you, one to the left and one to right. Add extra detail if you like by going up then down.
✏️ Choose an object nearby and describe it in detail to yourself
🤚🏽 Reach out and touch the nearest wall or surface. Place both hands on and describe the feeling in detail.
👣 Take your shoes off and stand on the earth.
Psychology is full off fancy words for natural, inbuilt strengths which we can use to our advantage. I love uncovering the brilliance in our systems. As always, these strategies are even more powerful when they’re happen in the presence of another.
My childhood best friend and I used to ask each other “can you smell your nose?” then we’d curl the tips of our noses round into themselves and genuinely investigate 🥰 I still do it sometimes and find it really soothing.
What orienting strategies do you already use or could you build on now you know the idea behind it?
Getting regulated when you’re stressed or overwhelmed doesn’t have to be complicated. Essentially you’re looking for something which cues a sense of safety to your system, and although there are loads of great “exercises” out there to learn, actually, many of the things you’re already good at will also do a great job in these moments if applied consciously.
You have this wisdom built in you and you will naturally go looking for these opportunities for grounding.
The list is endless but here are some less obvious ideas I love:
🍀 nurture something you care about. Yes this could be tending to a plant, or it could be making a drink for a buddy, or tickling a pet.
⚡️try a weather themed playlist! Long thunderstorms while going to sleep feature in this house atm.
✨ embrace things you find beautiful. This is so underrated! Immerse yourself in a picture, draw, glitter gel your nails, read poetry.
🧹 organise a messy cupboard or colour-code a shelf of books. It reminds me of the feeling of reorganising your bedroom as a child.
🌤️ check in on your comfort basics (eat, drink, wee etc) then lie somewhere near a window and feel the light rays on your skin.
After many years of reading, imagining and fantasising about having a consistent, regular practice to begin my day present and open, I have landed on a rhythm with just the right ingredients. Already noticing the benefits of consciously re-joining my mind and body and tuning into my ever-changing needs, and knowing how helpful I found reading about what works well for others, I am excited to share my current routine – and hope that it will inspire you towards giving this gift to yourself.
From a professional perspective, as a clinical psychologist I have long been aware of the benefits of regular movement, and mindfulness practice and generally the value of learning to become more present in our high-stim environments. But knowing what is healthy and ideal is a long stretch from actually being motivated and able to commit to these routines, in a way that feels authentic, achievable and enjoyable.
As well as being a psychologist I am a mother of two young children who mostly still wake up with me and their Dad after joining us at some point in the night. This has been one major obstacle to me taking this time in the morning, because for many years, if I got out of bed, someone would hear me, and immediately follow. Also, I have sampled many mindfulness and yoga routines over the years and been unable to maintain the practice for longer than a week or two. Either I have felt bored, unmotivated or uninspired. Perhaps now until the kids are sleeping more independently, I have just needed every minute of extra sleep that was available to me – so the idea of setting an alarm to wake earlier than absolutely necessary was, quite frankly: absurd.
But for the past several months, I have been organised towards building this sacred start to my day, alone, and the idea of making it work has been motivating enough to make it happen. As well as including movement and mindfulness, I wanted to also introduce some form of ritual which helped the practice feel sacred – permission to my long ignored inner desire for spiritual connection, which has sadly been mostly over-ridden, by a part of me who demands science-driven, evidence based “off the shelf” style techniques and strategies.
This ritual was heavily influenced by my current life stage as a mother, and awareness of my bodies’ cyclical nature. Then beyond the cycles occurring within my body, I wanted to include attention to earth cycles in the seasons and moon phases. I have been moved by an idea introduced by Jane Hardwicke-Collings, around taking steps to becoming The Woman The Earth Needs Now – strong, soft and resilient.
For me this routine had to include menstrual cycle awareness, mindfulness, conscious mind-body integration, spirit, free movement, an attractive room, choice and flexibility. This has taken some time to land in, much trial and error and of course, is still and always will be in development.
SUMMARY – at this point I make a note of my key findings. Then I ask myself – what do I need right now and today?
In the moment, I have some options – more journalling, some yoga, cup of tea and sit still, listen to a song/ dance/ go back to bed?
Most commonly I choose some gentle stretching/ yoga. This doesn’t follow a specific pattern – I try to let my body lead and do something slightly different every time. I generally make it slow, calm and symmetrical. While moving I continue to use the candle or my breath as an anchor for returning to now. I am not yoga trained I just like this style of movement.
For the rest of the day: what will it be helpful for me to take from this practice into the rest of my day? This is an opportunity for setting an intention, tuning into my intuition, or simply congratulating myself for the starting the day here.
The whole process takes 15 – 30 minutes. Afterwards I dive into my phone, check emails, insta or WhatsApp, boil the noisy kettle, turn on lights, wake the kids and let the wild day begin again.
To be clear, this is not always a slow-motion, spiritual or sacred experience. I note many times I have tuned into feelings of boredom, shame at my indulgence and privilege, or thoughts like “what is this even for?”… I have skipped days and been cross with the children for waking too soon. But I have also kept returning to it. And what it gives me is far greater than what it’s taken away.
That heart thumping out of your chest, the clammy hands, jelly legs, shortness of breath, pale face, sickness in your gut, racing thoughts, swirling head, dry mouth, the intense urge to turn away, fight, avoid, run.
Every single one of these feelings is generated in the face of what your nervous system perceives as a threat….
…part of your bodies’ attempt to prepare you to get away, to survive what it thinks is about to happen.
Yet if you’re feeling it regularly, it’s likely that the response is out of proportion to the threat you’re actually facing? Maybe the threat here is a memory or thought… a hook back to a time when you were in danger. Perhaps you don’t even know the trigger.
Those intense symptoms of an activated nervous system can all too easily create a sense of frustration. Maybe you feel like your body is letting you down, working against you by reacting this way repeatedly when you don’t want it.
But your body is never the enemy.
It’s doing exactly what it THINKS you need in that moment. It’s stepping in to to mobilise you to fight or run for your survival.
Getting cross with it will only increase your activation and cause the intensity to last longer.
As an alternative, can you offer something like this as a silent message:
“Thank you, body
I know you’re standing up for me and working hard to protect me.
I’m so grateful for that.
But this time it’s ok.
I’m safe and I don’t need protecting.
We can be alongside each other.
We can breathe together,
we’re safe”
Please do come back and share how it feels 🙏🏻
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