A simple, methodical way to check in with yourself
Most of us ask and answer the question “how are you?” several times each day, but how often do you really give yourself the space to find the deeper answer?
Category: Toolbox: Somatic regulation Page 1 of 2
There is POWER in your posture
Most of us are aware that non-verbal behaviour like posture, eye contact and movement greatly influence how others perceive us.
Orientation
Orienting is a skill you already have (because it’s hard-wired into your nervous system). But you can learn to strengthen or recover it during stressful times to help to communicate to your brain and body that you are safe during times when stress and overwhelm take you back to traumatic memory or forward in anticipation of something difficult.
Orienting helps you to focus on your external environment and lean into cues around that tell you where you are now, is safe.
The popular grounding technique of tuning into the five senses uses orienting to bring you into the moment:
Name
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can feel
2 smells and
1 taste
You could also try:
👀 Look around you and name one item to the front, one behind you, one to the left and one to right. Add extra detail if you like by going up then down.
✏️ Choose an object nearby and describe it in detail to yourself
🤚🏽 Reach out and touch the nearest wall or surface. Place both hands on and describe the feeling in detail.
👣 Take your shoes off and stand on the earth.
Psychology is full off fancy words for natural, inbuilt strengths which we can use to our advantage. I love uncovering the brilliance in our systems. As always, these strategies are even more powerful when they’re happen in the presence of another.
My childhood best friend and I used to ask each other “can you smell your nose?” then we’d curl the tips of our noses round into themselves and genuinely investigate 🥰 I still do it sometimes and find it really soothing.
What orienting strategies do you already use or could you build on now you know the idea behind it?
Getting regulated when you’re stressed or overwhelmed doesn’t have to be complicated. Essentially you’re looking for something which cues a sense of safety to your system, and although there are loads of great “exercises” out there to learn, actually, many of the things you’re already good at will also do a great job in these moments if applied consciously.
You have this wisdom built in you and you will naturally go looking for these opportunities for grounding.
The list is endless but here are some less obvious ideas I love:
🍀 nurture something you care about. Yes this could be tending to a plant, or it could be making a drink for a buddy, or tickling a pet.
⚡️try a weather themed playlist! Long thunderstorms while going to sleep feature in this house atm.
✨ embrace things you find beautiful. This is so underrated! Immerse yourself in a picture, draw, glitter gel your nails, read poetry.
🧹 organise a messy cupboard or colour-code a shelf of books. It reminds me of the feeling of reorganising your bedroom as a child.
🌤️ check in on your comfort basics (eat, drink, wee etc) then lie somewhere near a window and feel the light rays on your skin.
Rhythm is regulating
Our introduction to rhythm begins in the womb, when the sound and pressure of our mothers beating heart provides a core and constant rhythmic input to our organising brain. While as teeny babes we haven’t yet developed the cognitive capacity to “remember” the consistent presence of that 60-80bpm rhythm, holding and soothing us, the ancient lower regions of our brains are absolutely online, and will associate this predictable beat with feeling warm, quenched and soothed forever more.
As new babies (outside the womb) a similar rhythm creates the same sense of safety (you’ll know this if you’ve had a newborn), and perhaps more noticeably, any unpredictable rhythm or beats far outside of this range, run a much higher risk of activating our immature threat systems – if it’s new, it might be dangerous.
Bruce Perry uses The Tree of Regulation model to describe the foundations for health in developing infants. Here, rhythm and regulation lay down the roots of good health, exactly synonymous with early networks in the brain which build and spread like roots under the right conditions, to create capacity for self- regulation in later life.
Bilateral Stimulation
Bilateral stimulation – the repeated and rhythmic stimulation of left then right side has many hypothesised mechanisms in psychotherapy. In a formal therapy setting, especially if your therapist uses EMDR (Eye Movement Densentitisation and Reprocessing), we use eye movements, tapping or the butterfly hug to create this rhythmic stimulation. At the most fundamental level, it creates a soothing reassuring pattern or rhythm (similar to a steady heart beat) which feels really regulating.
Additional outcomes might include an increase in your ability to think flexibly about an issue or problem, and a capacity to distance yourself from the intensity of experiences (thoughts, feelings, memories).
Bilateral Sounds
There’s lots of fun to be had with bilateral sounds. You can search up “bilateral beats” and listen to music using headphones. You will notice that this beat has the same left – right effect. Save a track you like and tune in when you need that extra level of soothing in your system.
I often listen to these beats while i’m walking or running outside.
As well as music I love waves, taps, running and dancing.
What’s your favourite way to experience rhythm?
For help to land WHOLE in your day
After many years of reading, imagining and fantasising about having a consistent, regular practice to begin my day present and open, I have landed on a rhythm with just the right ingredients. Already noticing the benefits of consciously re-joining my mind and body and tuning into my ever-changing needs, and knowing how helpful I found reading about what works well for others, I am excited to share my current routine – and hope that it will inspire you towards giving this gift to yourself.
Because its evidence-based
From a professional perspective, as a clinical psychologist I have long been aware of the benefits of regular movement, and mindfulness practice and generally the value of learning to become more present in our high-stim environments. But knowing what is healthy and ideal is a long stretch from actually being motivated and able to commit to these routines, in a way that feels authentic, achievable and enjoyable.
Because its so hard!
As well as being a psychologist I am a mother of two young children who mostly still wake up with me and their Dad after joining us at some point in the night. This has been one major obstacle to me taking this time in the morning, because for many years, if I got out of bed, someone would hear me, and immediately follow. Also, I have sampled many mindfulness and yoga routines over the years and been unable to maintain the practice for longer than a week or two. Either I have felt bored, unmotivated or uninspired. Perhaps now until the kids are sleeping more independently, I have just needed every minute of extra sleep that was available to me – so the idea of setting an alarm to wake earlier than absolutely necessary was, quite frankly: absurd.
When the time is right
But for the past several months, I have been organised towards building this sacred start to my day, alone, and the idea of making it work has been motivating enough to make it happen. As well as including movement and mindfulness, I wanted to also introduce some form of ritual which helped the practice feel sacred – permission to my long ignored inner desire for spiritual connection, which has sadly been mostly over-ridden, by a part of me who demands science-driven, evidence based “off the shelf” style techniques and strategies.
This ritual was heavily influenced by my current life stage as a mother, and awareness of my bodies’ cyclical nature. Then beyond the cycles occurring within my body, I wanted to include attention to earth cycles in the seasons and moon phases. I have been moved by an idea introduced by Jane Hardwicke-Collings, around taking steps to becoming The Woman The Earth Needs Now – strong, soft and resilient.
For me this routine had to include menstrual cycle awareness, mindfulness, conscious mind-body integration, spirit, free movement, an attractive room, choice and flexibility. This has taken some time to land in, much trial and error and of course, is still and always will be in development.
My current practice relies on me making the following changes and commitments:
- Go to bed 30 mins earlier as consistently as possible
- Wake to quiet alarm 6:30 (I chose a Birdy song as an alarm but have now begun to wake naturally just before it comes on)
- Have some warm, comfortable clothes ready to pull on and creep downstairs
- No looking at phone apart from to check the time if needed
- Light a candle, turn on twinkly lights and lay out yoga mat
- Sit with candle and land – a few deep breaths
- Start with a “cosmic weather report” bring awareness to my menstrual cycle day and season – phase of moon – earth season
- Body – Focus in on physical body. Where am I drawn. Notice pain or tension. Land there and feel it.
- Emotions – Really how am I feeling? How do I know? What else?
- Mind – Where is my mind drawn? What did I wake thinking? Attend to quality and content of thought.
- Energy – What’s the quality of my energy? Am I buzzy and awake or heavy and slow? Is it rising or falling?
SUMMARY – at this point I make a note of my key findings. Then I ask myself – what do I need right now and today?
In the moment, I have some options – more journalling, some yoga, cup of tea and sit still, listen to a song/ dance/ go back to bed?
Most commonly I choose some gentle stretching/ yoga. This doesn’t follow a specific pattern – I try to let my body lead and do something slightly different every time. I generally make it slow, calm and symmetrical. While moving I continue to use the candle or my breath as an anchor for returning to now. I am not yoga trained I just like this style of movement.
For the rest of the day: what will it be helpful for me to take from this practice into the rest of my day? This is an opportunity for setting an intention, tuning into my intuition, or simply congratulating myself for the starting the day here.
The whole process takes 15 – 30 minutes. Afterwards I dive into my phone, check emails, insta or WhatsApp, boil the noisy kettle, turn on lights, wake the kids and let the wild day begin again.
To be clear, this is not always a slow-motion, spiritual or sacred experience. I note many times I have tuned into feelings of boredom, shame at my indulgence and privilege, or thoughts like “what is this even for?”… I have skipped days and been cross with the children for waking too soon. But I have also kept returning to it. And what it gives me is far greater than what it’s taken away.
The three R’s
These three steps come from Bruce Perry, a neuroscientist working in the field of trauma, and are offered as a guide for how adults can best support vulnerable children to learn, think and reflect. But I see absolutely no reason why these steps should be saved for children only.
When we run, dance, hug or laugh we send a very simple and clear message through our whole system: not only am I safe in this moment, I am thriving. The system rewards us by increasing our capacity to engage, share, learn and love.
We can learn to send the same messages through the system in any moment via our breath.
We rely on our senses to pick up on cues of danger or safety in our environment. Much of this happens out of our conscious awareness. A smell, even if it’s fleeting or faint, can quickly whip us far away from the present moment into a thousand different places, stories created from memories of long ago. Sometimes these places are kind, familiar, warm and safe. Sometimes less so.
There is lots of information and discussion out there about mindfulness and the impact that learning to be more present and in the moment, has on our health.