Orienting is a skill you already have (because it’s hard-wired into your nervous system). But you can learn to strengthen or recover it during stressful times to help to communicate to your brain and body that you are safe during times when stress and overwhelm take you back to traumatic memory or forward in anticipation of something difficult.
Orienting helps you to focus on your external environment and lean into cues around that tell you where you are now, is safe.
The popular grounding technique of tuning into the five senses uses orienting to bring you into the moment:
Name 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can feel 2 smells and 1 taste
You could also try:
👀 Look around you and name one item to the front, one behind you, one to the left and one to right. Add extra detail if you like by going up then down.
✏️ Choose an object nearby and describe it in detail to yourself
🤚🏽 Reach out and touch the nearest wall or surface. Place both hands on and describe the feeling in detail.
👣 Take your shoes off and stand on the earth.
Psychology is full off fancy words for natural, inbuilt strengths which we can use to our advantage. I love uncovering the brilliance in our systems. As always, these strategies are even more powerful when they’re happen in the presence of another.
My childhood best friend and I used to ask each other “can you smell your nose?” then we’d curl the tips of our noses round into themselves and genuinely investigate 🥰 I still do it sometimes and find it really soothing.
What orienting strategies do you already use or could you build on now you know the idea behind it?
Getting regulated when you’re stressed or overwhelmed doesn’t have to be complicated. Essentially you’re looking for something which cues a sense of safety to your system, and although there are loads of great “exercises” out there to learn, actually, many of the things you’re already good at will also do a great job in these moments if applied consciously.
You have this wisdom built in you and you will naturally go looking for these opportunities for grounding.
The list is endless but here are some less obvious ideas I love:
🍀 nurture something you care about. Yes this could be tending to a plant, or it could be making a drink for a buddy, or tickling a pet.
⚡️try a weather themed playlist! Long thunderstorms while going to sleep feature in this house atm.
✨ embrace things you find beautiful. This is so underrated! Immerse yourself in a picture, draw, glitter gel your nails, read poetry.
🧹 organise a messy cupboard or colour-code a shelf of books. It reminds me of the feeling of reorganising your bedroom as a child.
🌤️ check in on your comfort basics (eat, drink, wee etc) then lie somewhere near a window and feel the light rays on your skin.
One that I come back to time and time again, is neural networks in the brain, as well trodden paths.
If we’ve been used to feeling, thinking or acting in a certain way, based on what made sense to us when we were much younger, we might very easily (likely without awareness) just always feel, think or act in that way, because that “way” has a well rehearsed pattern, very literally wired into our chemistry.
We might begin to recognise that that response is unhelpful but even then it can be really hard to catch it before it plays out in our reality.
The well trodden path
Well trodden paths are much easier to walk. Even when they don’t feel good, or cause us problems in the longer term, they are our automatic response and while we might dislike the route, it’s comfortable, like a smelly old shoe.
In therapy, often my work is to help someone identify that old pattern.
Importantly we explore and understand why it began – because there is inevitably an entirely sensible function, even to the most complicated “patterns” and responses.
Then we spend some time spotting it together as it happens, perhaps between sessions, or perhaps between us.
We work out how someone might want to swap their old patterns, for newer, more helpful ones. Responses that are more appropriate to how life is now.
Finding new paths
Then we practice walking the new path. This can be so hard because the path is far less accessible. There may be brambles and bracken, nettles and fallen down trees. Initially it takes MUCH more energy than the old path. In this work you are literally creating new neural pathways, but they are far less automatic. This is the hard work of therapy.
A client recently created his own twist on this idea by talking about making new paths in the snow. He said that therapy was like someone holding a hairdryer ahead of him 🤣.
I loved that. It can get a bit sparky 🔥 but mostly I hope, the experience is one of someone walking alongside you, helping to navigate, and guide you back to your goals when you are inevitably distracted by the old.
Our introduction to rhythm begins in the womb, when the sound and pressure of our mothers beating heart provides a core and constant rhythmic input to our organising brain. While as teeny babes we haven’t yet developed the cognitive capacity to “remember” the consistent presence of that 60-80bpm rhythm, holding and soothing us, the ancient lower regions of our brains are absolutely online, and will associate this predictable beat with feeling warm, quenched and soothed forever more.
As new babies (outside the womb) a similar rhythm creates the same sense of safety (you’ll know this if you’ve had a newborn), and perhaps more noticeably, any unpredictable rhythm or beats far outside of this range, run a much higher risk of activating our immature threat systems – if it’s new, it might be dangerous.
Bruce Perry uses The Tree of Regulation model to describe the foundations for health in developing infants. Here, rhythm and regulation lay down the roots of good health, exactly synonymous with early networks in the brain which build and spread like roots under the right conditions, to create capacity for self- regulation in later life.
Bilateral Stimulation
Bilateral stimulation – the repeated and rhythmic stimulation of left then right side has many hypothesised mechanisms in psychotherapy. In a formal therapy setting, especially if your therapist uses EMDR (Eye Movement Densentitisation and Reprocessing), we use eye movements, tapping or the butterfly hug to create this rhythmic stimulation. At the most fundamental level, it creates a soothing reassuring pattern or rhythm (similar to a steady heart beat) which feels really regulating.
Additional outcomes might include an increase in your ability to think flexibly about an issue or problem, and a capacity to distance yourself from the intensity of experiences (thoughts, feelings, memories).
Bilateral Sounds
There’s lots of fun to be had with bilateral sounds. You can search up “bilateral beats” and listen to music using headphones. You will notice that this beat has the same left – right effect. Save a track you like and tune in when you need that extra level of soothing in your system.
I often listen to these beats while i’m walking or running outside.
As well as music I love waves, taps, running and dancing.
I came across this meditation in Her Blood Is Gold by Dr Lara Owen. Lara apparently learned it from Stephen Levine and, like me, loved it from the moment she heard it. She spoke of prolonging the practice by gently saying to herself after “soft belly” under her breath, becoming more and more aware of the subtle ways in which she held and tensed her belly through the day. The practice is perfect for an adult woman, but I have adjusted it slightly so that you can play with it whether or not you identify as a woman, or an adult. A belly is a belly after all.
Instruction
You might start by focusing your attention on your belly – allowing it to soften and release. Find tension where it exists in your belly region and see if you can let it go – whatever that means to you. If it helps, you might invite some tension into your general belly area first – tense the muscles and hold, noticing how tight it can be there, then say softly to yourself “soft belly” and allow the tension to float away, and feel the release, the peace and easiness of having a soft, non-judgmental belly full of love and compassion and tenderness for the world and everything around you.
Soft Belly Meditation – The Script
Focus your attention into your belly area and say softly to yourself:
“soft belly”
Allowing tension to release and float away. Feel the release, the peace and easiness of being with your soft, non-judgmental belly, full of love and compassion and tenderness for the world and everything around you.
Let go into that softness and allow it to spread all over your body: feel the Lucious loveliness of your whole being and feel the juicy delicious humanness, femaleness, of having a soft and pliable, warm and comforting belly.
A place for babies to grow, a place for feelings to develop, warnings to be headed, for ideas to gestate, food to be digested and fully absorbed, a place for feelings to be worked on and out and through.
A place for cozy late-night suppers, and happy active early morning breakfasts, a place for comfort, for solitude, for lying on the earth feeling the hot sun on your warm back, soft as your tender loving belly caresses your mother, the Earth.
Relax even more deeply into your belly now. Feel the wholeness within you, love the round and full belly, the humanness of you, the pure femaleness of that full soft belly.
Let it go even more.
Softly, softly, your belly rounds out, lets go, and you are coming home, more and more at home with yourself, as you release the images of flat, masculine or teenage non-bellies – for now you are a woman who has given or can give birth to another being, and to do that, you need a belly.
So let your belly be.
Be proud of it, wear it in the world along with your big heart and your shiny eyes, wear your round soft tender loving belly out into the world and let it soften all around you with power.
When a child is crying, pull him onto your lap and let him sit on your belly.
When your inner child is crying, put your hands to your soft belly and rub it gently saying “its ok, I’m here, and here is our soft tender loving belly, the centre of being, the home of the womb, the centre of gravity, the deepest place within.
Nurture that belly space, for within it is the treasure trove of your love, creativity and your gifts for the world.
Compared to the rest of the animal kingdom, humans have a unique capacity to imagine: using the evolved “thinking” brain, we can remember, make up scenarios that haven’t happened yet, and even visualise and experience things in our minds that could never be.
In this place lives great potential for creativity with which great things can be achieved: we write songs, make art, design buildings, travel into space. But there is a darker side to this creativity; when this access to abstract thinking escapes the present moment, it also has the capacity to plunge us into regret, fear, self-consciousness, anger and hatred.
Thinking in this way is primarily based in the frontal lobes of our cerebral cortex. As such, this part of the brain has grown much larger in humans than in other mammals. In this region, most of our conscious thought, higher-order thinking and executive functions (like planning, coordination and control) occur.
When we allow this part of the brain to run the show – to tell the rest of the body what to do – we can call it TOP DOWN functioning.
Top down culture
At this point in history – most human cultures are driven by top-down behaviour. We assert control over our bodies and our lives based on our ideas about the right way to live – the right way to be. Some great outcomes from this include reflection, understanding and wisdom. But when top-down functioning is relied upon, our bodies become mere interruptions: machines to be maintained, producing symptoms to be managed.
We learn to shut down some of our basic physiology. We direct ourselves (and our children) not to move, to breathe in certain ways, and not to feel, or at least to feel less, more quietly, with rules and restriction. This might sometimes be conscious – supressing a laugh or a cry, to hold still or to focus for longer than feels comfortable. But these habits also filter into less conscious habits like over working, over-eating and prejudicing those around us who look or behave differently to us.
Our brains find various ways (strategies) of muting or over-riding sensation. We come to operate in a kind of “sleep mode” which tells the body to be quiet and not disrupt the important work of the brain.
Bottom up potential
When more ancient brain structures and the rest of our bodies initiate behaviour – we can call this BOTTOM-UP functioning. Here we rely on information from the present, we interpret sensation and communication via our highly tuned nervous-systems using our inbuilt capacities for detection. When we practice this via mindful awareness of our body, we become aware again to the full range of information via sensation, and that listening becomes the basis for re-awakening bottom-up informed awareness and behaviour.
Balance
Its not that one is better and one is worse. They are both EPIC. Its more that we need to embrace balance – a healthy creative partnership between body (including brain) and mind.
Where to begin?
When we practice mindful awareness of our body, we become aware again to the full range of information via feeling and sensation, and that listening becomes the basis for re-awakening bottom-up informed awareness and behaviour.
For lots of good reasons, some people are more able to feel their bodies than others.
A gentle route in is through your breath. I sit still, close my eyes, put a warm hand on my chest and follow my breath wherever it goes… in then out, at the pace my body dictates.
If that feels comfortable, I then broaden my attention by following the breath to different parts of my body (like riding on a train) and then I “jump off” the breath, landing in other body sensations.
Perhaps then I stay for a while with my heart beat, some shoulder tension or a sense of openness in my back.
After many years of reading, imagining and fantasising about having a consistent, regular practice to begin my day present and open, I have landed on a rhythm with just the right ingredients. Already noticing the benefits of consciously re-joining my mind and body and tuning into my ever-changing needs, and knowing how helpful I found reading about what works well for others, I am excited to share my current routine – and hope that it will inspire you towards giving this gift to yourself.
Because its evidence-based
From a professional perspective, as a clinical psychologist I have long been aware of the benefits of regular movement, and mindfulness practice and generally the value of learning to become more present in our high-stim environments. But knowing what is healthy and ideal is a long stretch from actually being motivated and able to commit to these routines, in a way that feels authentic, achievable and enjoyable.
Because its so hard!
As well as being a psychologist I am a mother of two young children who mostly still wake up with me and their Dad after joining us at some point in the night. This has been one major obstacle to me taking this time in the morning, because for many years, if I got out of bed, someone would hear me, and immediately follow. Also, I have sampled many mindfulness and yoga routines over the years and been unable to maintain the practice for longer than a week or two. Either I have felt bored, unmotivated or uninspired. Perhaps now until the kids are sleeping more independently, I have just needed every minute of extra sleep that was available to me – so the idea of setting an alarm to wake earlier than absolutely necessary was, quite frankly: absurd.
When the time is right
But for the past several months, I have been organised towards building this sacred start to my day, alone, and the idea of making it work has been motivating enough to make it happen. As well as including movement and mindfulness, I wanted to also introduce some form of ritual which helped the practice feel sacred – permission to my long ignored inner desire for spiritual connection, which has sadly been mostly over-ridden, by a part of me who demands science-driven, evidence based “off the shelf” style techniques and strategies.
This ritual was heavily influenced by my current life stage as a mother, and awareness of my bodies’ cyclical nature. Then beyond the cycles occurring within my body, I wanted to include attention to earth cycles in the seasons and moon phases. I have been moved by an idea introduced by Jane Hardwicke-Collings, around taking steps to becoming The Woman The Earth Needs Now – strong, soft and resilient.
For me this routine had to include menstrual cycle awareness, mindfulness, conscious mind-body integration, spirit, free movement, an attractive room, choice and flexibility. This has taken some time to land in, much trial and error and of course, is still and always will be in development.
My current practice relies on me making the following changes and commitments:
Go to bed 30 mins earlier as consistently as possible
Wake to quiet alarm 6:30 (I chose a Birdy song as an alarm but have now begun to wake naturally just before it comes on)
Have some warm, comfortable clothes ready to pull on and creep downstairs
No looking at phone apart from to check the time if needed
Light a candle, turn on twinkly lights and lay out yoga mat
Sit with candle and land – a few deep breaths
Start with a “cosmic weather report” bring awareness to my menstrual cycle day and season – phase of moon – earth season
Body – Focus in on physical body. Where am I drawn. Notice pain or tension. Land there and feel it.
Emotions – Really how am I feeling? How do I know? What else?
Mind – Where is my mind drawn? What did I wake thinking? Attend to quality and content of thought.
Energy – What’s the quality of my energy? Am I buzzy and awake or heavy and slow? Is it rising or falling?
SUMMARY – at this point I make a note of my key findings. Then I ask myself – what do I need right now and today?
In the moment, I have some options – more journalling, some yoga, cup of tea and sit still, listen to a song/ dance/ go back to bed?
Most commonly I choose some gentle stretching/ yoga. This doesn’t follow a specific pattern – I try to let my body lead and do something slightly different every time. I generally make it slow, calm and symmetrical. While moving I continue to use the candle or my breath as an anchor for returning to now. I am not yoga trained I just like this style of movement.
For the rest of the day: what will it be helpful for me to take from this practice into the rest of my day? This is an opportunity for setting an intention, tuning into my intuition, or simply congratulating myself for the starting the day here.
The whole process takes 15 – 30 minutes. Afterwards I dive into my phone, check emails, insta or WhatsApp, boil the noisy kettle, turn on lights, wake the kids and let the wild day begin again.
To be clear, this is not always a slow-motion, spiritual or sacred experience. I note many times I have tuned into feelings of boredom, shame at my indulgence and privilege, or thoughts like “what is this even for?”… I have skipped days and been cross with the children for waking too soon. But I have also kept returning to it. And what it gives me is far greater than what it’s taken away.
That heart thumping out of your chest, the clammy hands, jelly legs, shortness of breath, pale face, sickness in your gut, racing thoughts, swirling head, dry mouth, the intense urge to turn away, fight, avoid, run.
Every single one of these feelings is generated in the face of what your nervous system perceives as a threat….
…part of your bodies’ attempt to prepare you to get away, to survive what it thinks is about to happen.
Yet if you’re feeling it regularly, it’s likely that the response is out of proportion to the threat you’re actually facing? Maybe the threat here is a memory or thought… a hook back to a time when you were in danger. Perhaps you don’t even know the trigger.
Those intense symptoms of an activated nervous system can all too easily create a sense of frustration. Maybe you feel like your body is letting you down, working against you by reacting this way repeatedly when you don’t want it.
But your body is never the enemy.
It’s doing exactly what it THINKS you need in that moment. It’s stepping in to to mobilise you to fight or run for your survival.
Getting cross with it will only increase your activation and cause the intensity to last longer.
As an alternative, can you offer something like this as a silent message:
“Thank you, body I know you’re standing up for me and working hard to protect me. I’m so grateful for that. But this time it’s ok. I’m safe and I don’t need protecting. We can be alongside each other. We can breathe together, we’re safe”
When I run I sometimes experience something lovely with my thinking. I liken it to shaking up a snow globe and feeling my thoughts criss-cross and settle wherever they please.
When I finish I feel calmer but I’ve often also made some reflections or connections that hadn’t occurred to me before, which I quickly scribble down before I loose them.
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