Using the language of your nervous system

Although it might not feel like it, that urgent physical alarm you feel at times of stress is your bodies attempt to keep you safe. It wants to protect you because its reptilian logic determines that you need to be prepared to fight or run.


Of course, often, that bells and whistles stress response is not required. It might be that your body is having a reaction to a memory, a thought or even something you can’t identify.

To manage this, you can learn to sooth the stress response.

This is like speaking the language of your nervous system in order to communicate that you are safe.

FIRST: Make sure you ARE safe

THEN: Notice what’s happening and say to yourself “my body is responding this way because it thinks I need protecting; thank you body, but I got this”

Then perhaps try one of the following to see which seems to have a soothing effect.

  1. Breathe – my go to breathing favorite is the physiological sigh: take two consecutive nostril inhales to fill your lungs, then follow with a long mouth exhale. Repeat three times.
  2. Look around you – tune into your surroundings: relax your gaze and explore what you can see, near and far.
  3. Listen for safe sounds – sit with the sounds around you and tune in, or choose a playlist of songs that you associate with feeling safe. Think low, slow rhythms.
  4. Touch warm skin – take the forefinger on one hand and slowly trace the outline of your other hand from the base of your wrist. Focus on the sensation.
  5. Salivate – stimulate salivation by imagining you’re sucking a lemon or a fizzy sweet.
  6. Smell deeply – carry some fabric with an essential oil or simply focus in on detecting and exploring one smell in your environment.
  7. Move your body – raise your heart rate on a brisk walk, jog or dance.
  8. Connect to nature – Go outside or find a leaf or flower, some water or be near a breeze and sit with it, exploring every detail.
  9. Connect – Find a way to connect with someone safe. Make a call, write a letter, look through some photos, love a pet.
  10. Find Rhythm – rock your body or try a butterfly hug by crossing your arms over your chest and tapping the opposite arm or shoulder gently and rhythmically with your hands or fingers.

These ideas serve a couple of purposes:

They bring you back to the present if fear has led you away from the moment to a place of psychological “safety” in your head (dissociation, panic, terror, shut-down, shut-off, shut-out)

They send a signal to your nervous system that the threat has passed (or wasn’t there in the first place) and that you are safe, so that it can release the threat response.

Stress management doesn’t have to be fancy. In fact at times of activation, a simple, clear, repetitive message is exactly what your body will respond well to.

There’s no single nervous system on this planet that doesn’t sometimes get activated – we all benefit from tools to regulate. Our choices for regulating activities will vary – so exploring a range of ideas will help you to clarify which ones speak the language of your nervous system.