Internal Family Systems
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a model of therapy which understands the human psyche as an “internal system” made up of multiple parts, very much like an external family or system. The Internal System includes a Self, Protective parts, and Vulnerable (or exiled) parts.
The Self is perhaps the most important component of IFS theory and therapy. The Self, or Self-energy is associated with qualities such as compassion, curiosity, courage, connection, calm, creativity, clarity and confidence. These qualities are known as the 8 C’s of Self and an IFS therapist will help and show a client how to identify Self energy, as it is such a critical part of the healing process.
Along with Self, the model posits that we are also all born with parts. These are essentially the aspects which make up our personality. However, our parts are understood to take on burdens, most commonly as a consequence of adversity, or trauma. In this process, they become Protector parts, of which there are 2 types: pre-emptive protectors (known as Managers) and reactive protectors (known as Firefighters).
The final group – vulnerable parts (or Exiles) – often exist below our conscious awareness, supressed by Protectors’ efforts to keep them hidden because of the unprocessed emotional pain they carry.
The whole system has the capacity to function collaboratively and in harmony, with the Self in a Leader position, and parts as essential resources. However, problems can occur when parts which have been burdened take on maladaptive (protective) roles, which sometimes have unintended negative consequences. These burdened parts can become more dominant than Self energy, causing an imbalance in the system.
A case example
The following case example is based on many clients I have worked with and is not directly representative of any one individual:
Katy came to therapy feeling lonely but struggling to make or maintain intimate relationships. She was very guarded and suspicious of anyone who showed an interest in her and felt very cynical about the idea of “love”. She had a successful career and was driven and focussed in her work. She was well known and respected professionally but generally not included in social activities which led her to feel she didn’t fit in, in the way others seemed to. She secretly felt “less than”, despite her many academic achievements and accolades. She lived alone and often felt empty.
In the early stages of therapy, we recognised some dominant protective parts in her system. She was driven, rational and logical almost all the time – we came to know these Manager parts as “drive” and “logic” and came to understand that both parts had become burdened when Katy’s Father had left the family home, when she was 7. They had allowed Katy to shut off to the pain of losing her Dad and the fear of it being her fault in some way, by leading her to only focus on problems that can be solved. She was attracted to practical subjects in school and was rewarded for her academic achievements. Adults gave her positive attention and peers were impressed so Katy strived for excellence as a way of connecting. At the time, the “drive” and “logic” parts, or strategies were genuinely helpful. Katy moved from strength to strength in her education but whenever she was exposed to a confusing feeling or a topic which seemed emotionally complex, she avoided it in favour of problems which could be solved with logic. In her teenage years, as difficult feelings did inevitably arise, she found that distracting herself with alcohol worked well most of the time (a Fire-fighter part). She also used sarcastic humour (sometimes a Manager part and sometimes a Fire-Fighter part) a lot as a way of avoiding close connection with others. She was known by colleagues as funny but guarded.
She mostly avoided intimate relationships because of how likely they were to create uncomfortable or confusing feelings but she had short term flings and tended to end them when there was a risk that she (or the other person) was developing serious feelings. Katy was aware that with trusting someone like this came a big risk that she could be hurt without warning.
Once we identified some of the key protector parts in Katy’s system, we were able to ask them when they had become so focussed on their roles. The Logic and Drive parts shared that it was around the age that Katy’s Dad left the family home, and Katy was extremely hurt with no support. The Logic part explained that it feared Katy could have died from the pain of not knowing why, and so it pledged to never allow her to feel that bad again. The part revealed that it was protecting a 7-year-old part of Katy (an Exile) who had been heart-broken by her Fathers’ leaving. It allowed us to connect to this Exiled part. In time this little one was able to explain that she felt it had been her fault. She concluded that she loved her Dad so much, she must have been too needy or emotional and that’s why he went. Katy was able to communicate to this young part, from a place of Self energy, that what happened wasn’t her fault. The part shared (and processed) memories and feelings and Katy witnessed all of this from her adult position, offering compassion and connection. When the young part had been witnessed in this way, she felt seen in the way she had needed. She shared her dreams that she might one day live in a busy home and her hopes for closeness and intimacy. Katy was able to release the pain from this young part and update her with information from her life now. With this healing work complete, Katy and the therapist could return to the Protector parts (Logic, Drive, Alcohol and sarcastic humour) and show them that their dedication and hard work was less necessary now that the young part was free and happy. The protectors agreed to allow a little emotional ambiguity – starting with a new platonic friendship and gradually expanding to an openness to romantic intimacy Katy’s protective system had never allowed before. If she did experience that old rush of fear and insecurity, she was able to place her hand gently on her heart and reassure the younger part that she was safe and loved from a place of adult Self energy.
Therapy at the pace of your system
IFS therapy helps a person identify and make sense of their dominant protective patterns, and spends time honoring and recognizing the hard work they do for the system. Much time is spent finding and witnessing these parts with Self energy. From this place, and with consent from all parts at all times, a therapist guides a client to revisit exiled or vulnerable parts; allows them to heal and integrate their painful experiences, supporting the whole system to reorganize according to how life is now, rather than how life was. While the IFS healing steps are always based on these ideas, the process can look very different for every system. You can find out more about IFS or watch demos of the therapy in process here: https://ifs-institute.com/
A great book to read for an intro to IFS is No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz
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