Can I call it Trauma?

Our understanding of, and access to information about the impact of adversity on our humanness (minds – bodies – spirits – communities) has exploded over the past 20 years, and we are exponentially clearer that going through difficult things shapes our physical, spiritual and mental health.

In response, the use of the word “trauma” has evolved and expanded significantly, becoming omnipresent in pop culture. Some experts fear that using the word in more generic ways risks rendering the term meaningless.

The disadvantages of this colloquialism are wide ranging. It can lead us to misunderstanding the serious impact of adversity for those who have survived terrible things, whilst seeing the term watered down, turning everyday events into a catastrophes: were you really traumatised by that haircut?

And we could continue to debate what constitutes a “real trauma” and what seems a more inappropriate or unhelpful use of the word. But our developed understanding of trauma exposes that “trauma” isn’t actually about the event itself, but more accurately, the lasting impact it has on a human nervous system.

According to this understanding, it is impossible for anyone else to define whether what you have been through was “traumatic” or not, based on the event in isolation.

You might find defined lists of things that are considered traumatic out there, but in my professional opinion, no predetermined list will ever succeed if we are to genuinely understand how trauma manifests.

Not all “traumatic events” are universally traumatising.

Your experience is far more nuanced than that. And your trauma is your business.

It can be helpful to understand trauma in two broad categories:

“Big T traumas” are the events that experts do often try to list as likely to have lasting negative impact. These might include unspeakable experiences like being sexually abused, physically hurt, a victim of war or some other atrocity.

“Little T traumas” are the experiences that might be less obvious when we’re exploring someone’s history. These are the events that drip drip, that hurt because of what came before, or because of what didn’t happen, rather than what did. These are the events that can not be decided by experts because no one will ever know the impact of these experiences on your completely individually shaped organism, better than you do.

Your birth, birth order, the role you had in your family, health issues, social contentedness at critical developmental periods, possibly (actually) even a really distressing experience at the hairdresser; the list is endless.

We must also look beyond our individual experience to learn more about collective trauma, cultural trauma, inter-generational trauma

The most helpful definition of trauma I have come across is that of Duros and Crowley, (2014), which states that trauma occurs when a person experiences:

“Too much too soon, or

Too much for too long, or

Not enough for too long”

Duros and Crowley (2014)

I would add, especially if the above occurred in the absence of a supportive witness to help make sense of what has occurred.

This definition leans into the idea of trauma as an “emotional wound” – which, just like a physical wound, we learn to constrict around in order to protect further damage: a reference to something that happened to you in the past that has changed the way you see and feel about the world for ever.

And this means that, yes, trauma becomes a much more universal experience

And of course this is not entirely new knowledge. For centuries, the field of psychotherapy has understood that developmental and relational wounds shape who we become.

But while there may be negative consequences to using the word Trauma so broadly, I believe there is less harm than there is in denying the unspeakable impact of adversity on how we all show up in the world. Fewer people are silenced and overlooked by diagnostic categories and expert opinion, and more folk are validated and seen for what they are: survivors of adversity.

Trauma becomes something we can all speak about.

#RECOMMENDATION: while a diagnostic categorisation might not always be the only route to resolution, a compassionate other with whom to explore these ideas pretty much always is. Whether that is a friend; partner or a professional – reach out to safe others if this is a topic you find painful and confusing. Remember your human-ness.